The following entries (from beginning runner to half marathon finisher) represents a continuing journey of tremendous grief and sorrow, and of transformation - largely through the therapeutic power of running. The sorrow that has broken my heart open wide has in time allowed me to experience the beauty of being in the present moment. And of course, without the support of family and friends to guide me, I would not have made it this far.

If you have lost someone in your life, I offer these words and verse (some Kristy's, some mine and others) with the hope it may touch your heart and help you heal.
mailto:clarksonart@gmail.com


Tuesday, January 13, 2009

YOUR 28th BIRTHDAY



Two years ago my sister Kim came to visit. All three of us decided to go to San Francisco. Kristy said she would drive which was a big relief to me as I am not too comfortable driving in the city. Even though we live so close to San Francisco I never go because traffic is so hectic.

It was your 28th birthday! I remember trying to navigate with a map while you drove. You never got flustered! I admired this so much about you. We got lost on lots of one-way streets and saw some pretty incredible things. We also did some sight seeing but then decided to go to a large sports apparel store where you said they were having a huge sale. We had to park far away - but it was such a beautiful sunny day we didn't care.

You didn't have much spending cash and I wanted to buy you something for your birthday. You really liked this beige pair of cropped pants but were afraid they were too expensive. You would not let me buy them for you, so I made a deal with you. If they were on sale I would get them - and if not you would just put them back. I was so happy when we found out they were on sale because I so wanted you to have them.

Now - years later - I have been packing your things away. My sister Kim was here for awhile helping me. She saw before I did the beige pants. As soon as I did it all came crashing back in on me. I can still see you in these sweet, feminine pants. The ones with the little embroidered blue flowers around the knees. Kim said maybe I should wear them. I said I could never put them on. But who knows, maybe someday I will find the strength.

Every now and then I bring the pants out again so I can hold them to my cheek and remember. I miss you so.

3 comments:

  1. You are doing all the right things for you. This written blog, the running and the crying whenever the feeling comes on. All are wonderful healing tools. The questions are the hardest of all.The pain will lessen-at least 2 years to get back to anywhere near to your old self. Kristy will quide your life from now on.You will be a new person who can help others with loss councelling. She would approve of this. Peace, wherever you find it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for this. It sounds very much like you have been through it yourself. I welcome her guidance with open arms and appreciate your encouragement.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You know, Karen, that I read your blog everyday and yet I do not comment on it very often - that there is nothing I can say does not mean that I am not carefully reading it and I am sure this is true of everone else - you are not writing purposelessly but to a respectful silence.

    ReplyDelete