The following entries (from beginning runner to half marathon finisher) represents a continuing journey of tremendous grief and sorrow, and of transformation - largely through the therapeutic power of running. The sorrow that has broken my heart open wide has in time allowed me to experience the beauty of being in the present moment. And of course, without the support of family and friends to guide me, I would not have made it this far.
Monday, May 31, 2010
A stranger walked into our garden a few days ago. That evening I was reading Sophie's World (by Jostein Gaarder) and I came across this passage: "Life is both sad and solemn. We are let into a wonderful world, we meet one another here, greet each other - and wander together for a brief moment. Then we lose each other and disappear as suddenly and unreasonably as we arrived." Later in bed I could not help but reflect....
She asked me about the stone in the garden. She smiled and said she liked the painting of you in my studio. But I couldn't tell her about your death, for I have learned what it does, this terrible truth. I could have said my daughter is dead. I could have said, "My daughter was killed." I could have said my daughter was beautiful in every way, for these were all true for a brief moment in time. And yes, this stone bears her picture and her words. But no it does not contain her ashes. She walked these garden stones, she watered these plants...sometimes with her tears, but also with her laughter. She was here one day and now only as a thought.
Thank you for thinking of her. I have only gratitude. Tears are not enough.