The following entries (from beginning runner to half marathon finisher) represents a continuing journey of tremendous grief and sorrow, and of transformation - largely through the therapeutic power of running. The sorrow that has broken my heart open wide has in time allowed me to experience the beauty of being in the present moment. And of course, without the support of family and friends to guide me, I would not have made it this far.

If you have lost someone in your life, I offer these words and verse (some Kristy's, some mine and others) with the hope it may touch your heart and help you heal.

Saturday, January 17, 2009


Kristy with her camera

Someone said grief is an expression of how well you loved. I think it is also a place that is hard to get out of once you enter. It is deciding to pick up the broken pieces of the picture you once had in your mind and accept the fact it can no longer be the same picture. The picture you had of your family and it's future together that has forever changed.

I am hopeful I will be able to accept this different picture. That I can hang it on the wall and someday embrace it. It's the difference between breaking down and breaking open. Getting past the feeling of being a failure. The guilt of surviving when your whole future was based upon what was in this picture. The picture of what I felt was my future.


  1. When you loved a person as you loved Kristy, and she returned that love- then you have really lived through something truly special. The flip side- it the agony when it shatters. Alas, that is the fate of humans- we all must leave sometime. Think of the things Kristy left-letters, poems, pictures,loving memories by the boatload. Try to imagine an uncaring daughter, imagine Kristy if you had died in a car crash etc. Now I tell you, that you had love which few people ever have. All encompassing and total. The joy should overcome the grief in the fullness of time. It will!
    Run in peace. Thousands of caring cyclists and friends are always with you in spirit.

  2. It is the most humbling of experiences to accept the kindness of others. It is particularly life affirming at this time as well. I cannot tell you how I ache for those who have suffered the loss of a child. That which is unimaginable and unmeasurable is so over powering it can and does change everything. Thank you for helping me.