The following entries (from beginning runner to half marathon finisher) represents a continuing journey of tremendous grief and sorrow, and of transformation - largely through the therapeutic power of running. The sorrow that has broken my heart open wide has in time allowed me to experience the beauty of being in the present moment. And of course, without the support of family and friends to guide me, I would not have made it this far.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Kristy with her camera
Someone said grief is an expression of how well you loved. I think it is also a place that is hard to get out of once you enter. It is deciding to pick up the broken pieces of the picture you once had in your mind and accept the fact it can no longer be the same picture. The picture you had of your family and it's future together that has forever changed.
I am hopeful I will be able to accept this different picture. That I can hang it on the wall and someday embrace it. It's the difference between breaking down and breaking open. Getting past the feeling of being a failure. The guilt of surviving when your whole future was based upon what was in this picture. The picture of what I felt was my future.