The following entries (from beginning runner to half marathon finisher) represents a continuing journey of tremendous grief and sorrow, and of transformation - largely through the therapeutic power of running. The sorrow that has broken my heart open wide has in time allowed me to experience the beauty of being in the present moment. And of course, without the support of family and friends to guide me, I would not have made it this far.

If you have lost someone in your life, I offer these words and verse (some Kristy's, some mine and others) with the hope it may touch your heart and help you heal.

Friday, January 30, 2009


Kristy and Jack

When Kristy was 28 and just entering professional competition as a triathlete she wrote on her resume, "My goals are simple: to excel and compete without regard to preconceived limits."

One month before her death she very casually told me she had worked it out. She was going to win every race from now until the end of the month and she would then be qualified to compete for a spot in the Olympics. I looked at her in amazement. I had been to races with her. I knew how competitive they were. And even though I had seen her win many times even I felt this would be a super human feat.

She was just sitting on the bed smiling and petting the dog. Kristy was not one to make idle boasts - in fact she was not one to boast at all. She did in fact go on to win every race. I remember that day she told me she was going to win with such strength and confidence. To remember her beautiful face as she was saying this still makes me swell with pride. There was magic in that moment. The magic of knowing yourself and not being afraid to voice it. The magic of knowing who you are and believing in it.

While at the lake today I thought about this as I ran past a single swan floating silently along the shore. I have seen it here for the past month - always solitary. Its beauty cannot be denied. It is not the same as the small brown ducks paddling noisily along. It stays by itself and commands it's own majesty. I feel a connection to it which is hard to describe.

We should never hide what makes us truly beautiful for fear of being set apart.

Today's workout: Today's schedule commands I rest. Yay! I feel I have rested so much this week as I have only been allowed to run 6 miles. This is the taper period and we shall see if it works. Tonight I will go out and eat pizza. What a treat! Only 2 days until the race....

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