The following entries (from beginning runner to half marathon finisher) represents a continuing journey of tremendous grief and sorrow, and of transformation - largely through the therapeutic power of running. The sorrow that has broken my heart open wide has in time allowed me to experience the beauty of being in the present moment. And of course, without the support of family and friends to guide me, I would not have made it this far.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
LIVING AND DYING
In Toni Morrison's book, Kristy underlined the following:
"But if I'm caught I'll just die earlier than I'm supposed to - not better than I'm supposed to. And how I die or when doesn't interest me. What I die for does. Its the same as what I live for."
Kristy died on her bike doing what she lived for. And in the end it was what she died for as well. I think of you out there somewhere, one with the wind. You are still racing - and in my mind you are strong and focused. You never take your eyes off the goal. You never think "I can't do this."
I remember the story you told me of your first Ironman competition in Hawaii. The wind was so strong and fierce. As you rode your bike over the barren lava fields, it blasted against you mile after mile. People were being blown off the road it was so bad. In the back of your mind you were looking forward to making the turn and having the wind at your back. But when you finally made the turn and started back the wind shifted! It slammed you hard - right in the face. At first you were stunned. Then you told me something I will never forget. You lifted both your arms and with clenched fists you yelled at the top of your lungs, "Bring it on!!" You said you were laughing out loud like a deranged person.
I can see you now. And now that I am heading into the wind I need your strength. I have never loved so much nor have I ever lost so much. Strange that you should have taught me both. With your short life you have shown me both how to live and how to die.