The following entries (from beginning runner to half marathon finisher) represents a continuing journey of tremendous grief and sorrow, and of transformation - largely through the therapeutic power of running. The sorrow that has broken my heart open wide has in time allowed me to experience the beauty of being in the present moment. And of course, without the support of family and friends to guide me, I would not have made it this far.

If you have lost someone in your life, I offer these words and verse (some Kristy's, some mine and others) with the hope it may touch your heart and help you heal.

Monday, June 1, 2009


This memory came to me last night before I finally fell asleep.  It was a discussion I had with Kristy about the beauty and shortness of life.  

We both loved to watch the program "Six Feet Under".  It was about a very unconventional family and their struggles individually and with each other.  I remember telling Kristy she needed to watch the last episode with me.  I had already seen it but it had been for me an epiphany.  I remember I actually used these words.

The scene was of the youngest daughter lying in bed. Only she was now an old woman and she was dying.  At the same time she was looking at all the beautiful photos of her family surrounding her on the walls.  Each one held a separate memory.  She was old and frail but we could still see it was her.  The light shinning in her eyes was the same light as when she was younger.

The scene suddenly changed to her as a young woman. She had approached a pivotal point in her life. She had made her decision and she was in her car speeding away... She had decided to leave home, launch herself into the unknown, and become what she knew she had to be. It was a great sacrifice to leave those she loved behind. It was a decision that changed the whole scope of her life. She was crying and smiling at the same time. The music was haunting and beautiful.

As she sped away, you could see her again as the old woman lying in bed. Her life had passed by just as quickly as that speeding car. It was here and gone in the blink of an eye.  This was my epiphany. It had never hit me so hard, how truly short life is. My body felt tingly all over and I knew I had caught a glimpse of something so large that it made me feel a part of everything. As if I wasn't here or there but everywhere.

Time is so very short.  I don't know what lies ahead.  But I know I am speeding towards it so very, very fast. I hope I have time to review all my precious memories before departing, just like this woman did. But if not I know I am the sum of them all. "Because I bear in me not my little life, but all the lives, and I walk steadily forward because I have a thousand eyes." (Pablo Neruda)

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