The following entries (from beginning runner to half marathon finisher) represents a continuing journey of tremendous grief and sorrow, and of transformation - largely through the therapeutic power of running. The sorrow that has broken my heart open wide has in time allowed me to experience the beauty of being in the present moment. And of course, without the support of family and friends to guide me, I would not have made it this far.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Kristy wrote her name in the cement along with the
rest of the family. It kept the fence up for many
years. We often looked at this reminder of our
early years and reminisced.
I wrote this poem many years ago for my mother. She was so important in my life at the time. Sadly she now suffers from Alzheimer's and our lives have been changed forever. When I was Kristy's age I turned to my mother when I had problems so big they seemed insurmountable. Now when I read this poem it seems to have been written for me.
The Motherhood Journey
Motherhood is like a long journey.
You pack everything a wise woman needs.
You give up everything a strong woman wants.
At some point you look back across the years.
Across the fields of joy and sorrow.
Across the years and moments of
When the journey started
you wanted only to be a mother.
Now you want only
to be loved.
When I was 18 I married. I could hardly wait to be a mother. This was my fondest dream at the time. The love and joy I felt for each of my four children grew even more powerful as they became as adults. I can now say, 36 years later, I know of no greater love and no greater sorrow. As much as I have loved, I have now also grieved. It is the memory of this love which is now keeping me alive.