The following entries (from beginning runner to half marathon finisher) represents a continuing journey of tremendous grief and sorrow, and of transformation - largely through the therapeutic power of running. The sorrow that has broken my heart open wide has in time allowed me to experience the beauty of being in the present moment. And of course, without the support of family and friends to guide me, I would not have made it this far.

If you have lost someone in your life, I offer these words and verse (some Kristy's, some mine and others) with the hope it may touch your heart and help you heal.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009


I sat down at the table while she looked at me
"Do you have anything you would like to say?"
My throat constricted - I felt weak and sick
Like I would either throw up or start screaming

The words raced in my head and fought back
Anything? Does that mean everything or nothing?
For I am an empty shell, a scratch upon the floor
a mast without a ship, an open mouth panting

A man spoke for me in a brown honey voice
"Thank you for coming here," was her reply
I show them I have been writing to you each day
Words I cannot swallow - ripe and rotten with tears

This was her favorite sketch I hear myself say
She said if she were a child she would admire it
The trees are like ghostly green shells
Disappearing into a spider's darkly woven horizon

I am walking out now down the carpeted hallway
Back to my prison reeking of grey-green and black
I turn to look and you are profiles huddling together
Someone murmurs - "I see they were very close"

I am holding on to so many memories
Greedy hands rip them out page by page
They are poked and prodded again and again
Once more they ask - "How do you define
My Love, My Life?"

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