Running for Kristy: I THEE WED

The following entries (from beginning runner to half marathon finisher) represents a continuing journey of tremendous grief and sorrow, and of transformation - largely through the therapeutic power of running. The sorrow that has broken my heart open wide has in time allowed me to experience the beauty of being in the present moment. And of course, without the support of family and friends to guide me, I would not have made it this far.

If you have lost someone in your life, I offer these words and verse (some Kristy's, some mine and others) with the hope it may touch your heart and help you heal.
mailto:clarksonart@gmail.com

Saturday, August 1, 2009

I THEE WED

A whisper echoes in my ears

I'm waiting for you

I can make your life easier

I only want to help

I am small and bent

I cannot bear the load

Today I stopped and I knew

I could weep no more

For my eyes are dark with tears

My throat is tired and sore

A volcano lives in my chest

It is over flowing

So I took you in my hand

With this pill, I thee wed

To honor and obey

From this moment forward

And for my part in wedded bliss

I ask to sleep at night

I ask to lay my burden down

For one tiny solitary moment

Let us be together every day

Let us renew our vows each evening

As the solemn ceremony unfolds

With this cup I take you in

And as I lay me down to sleep

I pray the lord my soul to take

And with this pill I close my eyes

If I should die before I wake

2 comments:

AnonymousAugust 1, 2009 at 4:50 PM
The woman who lost her daughter has been struggling with a loss similar to yours for longer than you have, and you know she would understand your grief better than many such as I who feel the loss of Kristy through you rather than as you do - but you have brought Kristy to life with your blog, making me feel her death is my loss, too. You have done that. In the same wsay, you have made modeled for me how one survives such a tragedy. No one will suffer her loss as much as you have and will, so we will come to terms with the destroyer with less struggle. But sharing your grief hardens and humbles us, perhaps preparing us for our own personal tragedies. Right now, you are the heroic one and we are as proud of you as we are sad.
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tanyaAugust 2, 2009 at 4:43 PM
Krag heard that same NPR story on the way home from work.
What an honest poem.
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Through Her Eyes

By Kristy's mom

letting her go is such an act of finality
this finality is so acute
it brings all other relationships into focus
the cushion between you and your mortality is gone
grieving this loss is grieving the loss of your own life
and coming to terms with its presence
it becomes an idea that cannot be ignored
she is now and forever living in you
in your eyes and your heart
she is there
and you can tell when you are seeing things
through her eyes
when the feeling of her spirit touches you
in these moments you are overcome
with all the fullness of her presence
as if all your memories of her
were compressed into one, tiny pinhole
a shining light of pure energy
and it is love
it is now your part to take this love
and distribute it by planting her seed
so that she may live again

Kristy's indomitable spirit was both admirable and infectious. I feel blessed and fortunate to have met her and train with her. My favorite memories of Kristy were riding abreast on the long Sunday trainingrides, boy she could REALLY put the hurt on!!!…

It was very special to have her pat me on the back while I was suffering on the rollers in the cycling gym. She had an extraordinary ability to push the limits on the bike without showing it!!! I have mixed feelings about the fact that I was the last one to be with her before being taken away by the ambulance, but I want everyone to know that even with her broken body, she never stopped fighting. Kristy was a special human being and will remain in my thoughts and prayers for the rest of my days on this earth.

-Daniel Brasse, Third Pillar