The following entries (from beginning runner to half marathon finisher) represents a continuing journey of tremendous grief and sorrow, and of transformation - largely through the therapeutic power of running. The sorrow that has broken my heart open wide has in time allowed me to experience the beauty of being in the present moment. And of course, without the support of family and friends to guide me, I would not have made it this far.

If you have lost someone in your life, I offer these words and verse (some Kristy's, some mine and others) with the hope it may touch your heart and help you heal.

Saturday, May 9, 2009


I heard this morning someone said, "Death is different to someone who has put a child in the ground." It was a mother speaking of her impending death (she has terminal cancer) and the death of her son years earlier. This is so true I thought it was a universal truth understood by everyone. It was a revelation to the interviewer - so it evidently is not.

So I think it is worth sharing this dreadful yet beautiful truth.  When your child has died your life changes in many ways.  Some foreseen and some unforeseen.  But it is true about feelings of one's own death.  I do not think of death as I did before.  When I think about death I am strangely at peace. Kristy has already gone before me and there is a comfort in knowing this. I do not believe in a life after death and that I will "see" her again.  But I do feel close to her in knowing we will share this one last experience together.  For when my time comes, it will be her face I see as I close my eyes.

Time has not and will not lessen my love for her and her importance in my life. She is not alone, as a piece of me has already died and is now with her. Someday we will be reunited.  I look forward to this moment.


  1. Welcome back to you blog writing. I missed you items. This is your diary and progress from the depths to the glimmer of sunshine in the near future. Peace.

  2. yea - mee too... we've missed your writing.

    these words are profound. you know your mountaintop dance and when the time comes you'll know what to do and where to go.

  3. I look every day for a posting and am saddened when there isn't one there. Keep sharing your journey, so many are following your course and are strenghening you with their thoughts.

  4. Your posts always touch my heart. Thank you for sharing. I'm thinking of you today & the latest news.