LINT

Another cold morning and you sit on my throat

you see my breath as I hide in my coat

Last night's dreams are like lint in my pocket

Soft and ghostly as the image in my locket

Dreary days gray and blue slip between sighs

soon another birthday comes and another milestone dies

In my dream you smiled your love as wide as the sky

I sheltered you in my arms while asking you, "Why?"

In your eyes, in your eyes, the sweetness of youth

tempered only by cries of persistence and truth

Though today I am cold in my pocket I find

love conquering death in my heart and my mind

UNTIL WE DIE

Where I do all of my thinking.

TWO PARTS

On my last trip to New Mexico the sun split the rain

clouds and a rainbow formed.

While I was running this morning these thoughts came to me. My love for you is like two parts of one puzzle. If I had not loved I could not have felt your loss so cruelly. If I had not mourned I could not have recognized your love so completely. I am sharing this journey with you.

For you

my heart did sing.

For you

my heart did die.

For you

my heart will live.

For you

my heart cries why.

Thank you

LITANY

Love is stronger than death she said

as I reached to find her near

a breath, a look, a yearning smile

are but mirrors from the dead

THE SHELTERING TREES

Yesterday I went to see the memorial that was made for your grave site. It includes a beautiful photograph of you in porcelain and part of a poem you once wrote. I then wrote this for you.

The day is tiring and long

I'm going to sit here and rest

I'll stroke your memory in song

and hold it to my chest

It's raining outside I said

and our inner worlds did meet

with tiny hands of lead

driving a dreary beat

I stood again on the ground

where you will soon be laid

and thought about the sound

our laughing voices made

I'm falling to my knees

and the mist and you are one

just under the sheltering trees

where the rain is never done

"Shared pain is no longer paralyzing but mobilizing." Henri Nouwen

SLEEPING BEAUTY

The lake was beautiful today.....

TO THE LIVING

Inspired by James Ellroy

The dead claim the living

and mark their decline

before and after become

a narrative in time

You had her before

and now she is gone

her death begins then

and drags you along

The dead claim the living

and bestow a sad wreath

we are powerless to control

our hopelessness and grief

You cannot predict when

or where grief will come

but you know that the loss

cannot be undone

The dead claim the living

and tell us how we should live

if we stop and then listen

we may have to forgive

You want to move forward

with her love as the goal

to show her that death

cannot conquer the soul

The dead claim the living

an urgent call be not lost

so you honor this child

you seek good at all cost

Your love of her presence

cannot vanquish your fears

and the beauty of her life

is nourished with tears

The dead claim the living

through visions yet seen

of the horror they endured

and dreams they won't dream

Yet your love is so precious

so solid and real

through memories of her

your heart dares to heal

DREAMING OF PICKLES

Dear Kristy,

How's things. Today was pretty boring until the postman came to the door and gave us the mail. You know how that upsets me. It didn't use to bother me but Karma started barking at him and it really seemed like the thing to do. Now I can't stand it and we really bark loud. Is that bad?

You know what's strange is that we still get lots of mail with your name on it. Mostly nutrition catalogs and advertisements. But like your mom says, it's nice to see your name. It's a sad kinda sweet thing.

Oh yeah and here's something I was dreaming about last night. Remember when we spent the night at your house. There was this big black cat named Pickles that kept trying to get into your room. The door was closed and we could smell Pickles under the door. None of us got any sleep that night. Sorry we kept you awake Kristy. In my dream we caught Pickles and we did something I'm not too proud about. Maybe some day I'll tell you.

Hey, time to eat. Love, Jack

PEEP THIS

So I'm not sure everyone knows we have a music video out together. Just you and me. It's pretty rad and I love to watch it over and over. Here it is in case anyone wants to take a peep.

NOSE BITE

Hey Kristy - look at us! Remember when you used to carry me around all the time? Yeah I was pretty relaxed about it for sure. I just found this photo of us. You look so happy - but then when we were together you always did.

You're wearing your Choctaw T-shirt and it looks cool. Hey, you know how I would always chew on your nose? I never did it to anyone else but you. Even your mom tried to get me to do it but I never would. It was our little thing.

Some people think dogs don't remember. But we do. I dream about you all the time. In my dreams we are at the lake. Once you took me there and I got to run with you. I didn't do so well because I kept trying to jump on you instead of just running forward. I was only trying to tell you how happy I was. Now we will never get a chance to get it right. But I still have the memory.

Here's a big bite on your nose,

Jack